Twilight - A journal entry

A diary is scrawled hastily onto the blank pages in the back of a sentient book, hidden amid the magical spells and incantions that belong there. The book even goes as far as to masque the pages to look like the rest, hidden behind diagrams and runes.

I should be studying, what I'm doing is dangerous enough, though while before Avarice, I won't summon this book.

Corbin was right - she betrayed me in the end. She brought someone with her to Julian's grave, was kind and polite, even sad until it was too late; I tried to run away when I saw her greed, but she dropped me all too easily. When I woke up, she placed a collar on my neck and told me I was hers, and that nothing could change that.

I was horrified to find this the truth, to find myself obeying her despite not wanting to.

She's brought me everywhere she's gone, making me read about everything she believes. It makes me remember things, from before - I already know these words, but I don't believe them...not after being in Qeynos.

I have to do what she says though - beyond the collar that forces me to, Avarice told me I wasn't allowed to see Ilsael again till I learn what she wishes...until she's sure I am becoming the Voice she wants me to be...her little Harbinger.

Last night, all I had were nightmares, and now this morning I can't even see the words on the pages she wants me to read - I can't even really tell if I'm writing alright or not. I feel sick, even with the healing Trecle gave me, even sicker from the broth Grandfather and his...friends...made me drink.

Trecle tells me that if I am away from Ilsael too long, we'll die but that Chath will just be used to keep me alive after Ilsael's wasted away. It scares me, I'm afraid Avarice will make Ilsael come here just so I don't die if Chath can't really do it...not that I care to live here, or without Ilsael.

Grandfather says I won't die, that its a foolish thing to think of. He was worried, I could see it, but he was hiding it from the rest of them - I think Mother told him to keep it a secret.

I...

I have learned one of her Precepts. Hate. I feel it every time I look at Chath, every time I think of where I am. I Hate being here, I Hate what she wishes for me to be, I Hate what Chath did to Ilsael and I - I Hate myself for not listening to my brother...

Tears stain the end of the words, causing them to run slightly. Finding the boy unable to write anything more, the book closes itself and vanishes, leaving him alone in the hall of the Bloodthorn.